So many of us feel like we simply have no time and no energy left for ourselves.  Our days feel full of endless responsibilities and chores.  We grind through the to do list each day, often multitasking to maximize efficiency.  Then we crash in the evening from sheer exhaustion only to wake up and begin the process all over again the next day.  This endless cycle inevitably leads to burnout.  We feel irritable, depleted, hopeless, and trapped.  We’re dying for a vacation from our lives.

But this pattern doesn’t have to be our daily norm.  We can create a new way to move through our days.  We can repurpose our time in a way that helps us feel more relaxed, replenished, and happy.

You may be surprised to hear that research has shown the typical American has more leisure time than fifty years ago.  This may sound unbelievable because it doesn’t feel the least bit relaxing.  There are a few reasons why we don’t feel like we have much downtime time.  One reason is the constant interruption from our technology.  Our phone notifications drag us out of moments meant to be relaxing.  We get work emails or alerts about stressful news or photos of an acquaintance’s tropical vacation pulling our attention away from dinner with the family or a walk with a friend.  And these distractions tend to fill us with guilt about what we “should” be doing and jealousy about what we wish we were doing.  It’s hard to ever feel fully present in a moment of leisure.

A second reason we don’t feel we have much downtime time is because it often comes in small moments scattered throughout the day rather than in one big chunk of an hour or two.  Brigid Schulte coined the term “time confetti” to describe these brief snippets of downtime which we tend to fill with stressful multitasking.  Think about the 8 minutes you have between meetings, the 10 minutes in the car pickup line, the 12 minutes before dinner needs to get started, etc.  We tend to fill these small segments of downtime with what we think is a “productive activity.”  We answer emails, make a phone call to schedule an appointment, respond to an invitation, research an item we’re shopping for, follow up on a favor from a friend, and on and on.  And before you know it, the time is gone without leaving us the least bit relaxed.  We never take a break! 

The good news is there are clear steps we can take to reclaim our leisure time so that we feel more relaxed and rejuvenated during the day. 

• Track your time confetti.  Start noticing those moments of unscheduled time during the day when you could be more intentional about taking a meaningful break.  See if you find regular opportunities to shift your attention from taking care of business or taking care of others toward taking care of you.
• Reduce interruptions from your devices.  Turn off notifications from your phone and computer.  You want to be more intentional about when you check in with work, friends, emails, etc. Utilize the do not disturb or focus setting on your phone.  Put your devices in a designated place off your person when you want to be really present.
• Set realistic expectations for the day.  Identify the tasks you want to prioritize so that you feel you were productive without overextending yourself.  You don’t need to do it all in one day. Plan your days with space to rest built in.
• Block your time.  Give yourself set times for specific activities you can do once or twice per day, like checking emails or responding to texts.  You do not need to be constantly available and responsive.  Reserve a block of time for activities that bring you relaxation or pleasure.
• Be intentional about how you spend your time confetti.  The key to feeling more relaxed and fulfilled throughout the day is to have a plan for what will help you feel restored.  Have a list of options on hand so you’re not wasting time debating what to do.  Think about what you find calming to your nervous system or uplifting to your spirit.  Here are some ideas to get you started.

With regular practice, we can create a daily pace that includes restorative rest. We can redefine a “good day” as one that includes calm and joy rather than a day filled with busyness. This may require a shift in values if you’re used to judging your worth based on productivity. But you will begin to find that when you prioritize taking care of yourself throughout the day, you’ll feel so much better and have more to offer others.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling a consultation for an appointment with Dr. Smith, please email ssmith@lakefrontpsychology.com or use the contact form. 

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Are you among the majority of Americans feeling more stressed than ever?  Chronic stress has been a public health crisis for many years in the United States and the recent American Psychological Association’s annual survey reveals that it is only getting worse.  In fact, most Americans (63%) report moderate to severe stress levels in the past year.

The top stressors people identified were:

• Money – 75%
• Work – 70%
• Economy – 67%
• Relationships – 58%
• Family responsibilities – 57%
• Family health – 53%
• Personal health – 53%
• Job stability – 49%
• Housing – 49%
• Personal safety – 32%

Stress levels tend to be even higher among women, ethnic minorities and people with lower incomes.  Each day the news presents even more reasons to stress with reports of terrorism and mass shootings.

And stress is taking its toll on children too.  Almost one third of children report physical symptoms in the past month which are commonly linked to chronic stress, such as headache, stomach ache, and difficulty sleeping.  Parents typically underestimate how much their stress affects their kids.  Children are often all too aware of instability in the home, at school, among their friends, and as a nation.

We know that stress has a significant impact on our emotional and physical well-being.  Symptoms of chronic stress include fatigue, hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, poor eating habits, difficulty sleeping, and bodily pain.

So how do we create space for a sense of calm in the midst of all this stress?  It is possible.

1. Identify your primary sources of stress. Stress is broadly defined as anything that requires us to adjust or adapt.  So stressors may be positive, like starting a new job, or negative, like a death in the family.  Recognizing your major stressors will help you develop a plan to manage them more effectively.  Write down a list of your major stressors in the past six that have caused you to make the greatest adjustments.
2. Categorize your stress into the things you have control over and the things you have no control over. Oftentimes, we spend a great deal of mental energy worrying about issues we have little or no impact on, such as national tragedies, other people’s feelings, or fantasies about the future.  Recognizing this important difference will allow you to focus your energy on the areas where you can have meaningful influence.
3. Practice acceptance and letting go of those stressors you cannot change. This can be one of the toughest things to do, and it takes regular practice.  You may find it helpful to limit your exposure to stressors that are beyond your control by taking a break from the news or social media.  Regularly remind yourself to let go of thoughts associated with stressors beyond your control and stay focused on the present moment.  Focusing on the present allows us to release unhelpful worries and discover our roots.
4. Develop a series of steps to manage the stressors that are within in your control. It can be helpful to identify action steps that are realistic, meaningful, and measurable so that we can see movement toward change.  For example, if you are stressed about your health, list the action steps that would begin to make a healthy difference such as medical appointments and lifestyle changes.  Focus on taking small steps in the present moment rather than getting overwhelmed with enormous change over time.  And reward yourself for progress.
5. Practice stress management strategies that work for you. Stress is a natural, necessary, and sometimes helpful part of life.  The goal is not to erase all stress but to cope with it.  Try exercising, listening to music, developing a hobby, spending time with friends, meditating.  Keep trying different strategies at different times to figure out what works for you.  It is not selfish to spend time on meaningful self-care.  Stress management needs to remain a priority.
6. Get support.  Look to your friends and family to help share the load of stress.  It’s important to allow yourself to ask for help when you’re feeling over-burdened.  Give your loved ones the gift of needing them sometimes.  And look for professional help if you find that chronic stress is contributing to unhealthy habits, physical symptoms, and emotional distress.  Therapists skills in stress management can help you learn strategies to work through stress for a lifetime of benefit.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

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