So many of us feel like we simply have no time and no energy left for ourselves.  Our days feel full of endless responsibilities and chores.  We grind through the to do list each day, often multitasking to maximize efficiency.  Then we crash in the evening from sheer exhaustion only to wake up and begin the process all over again the next day.  This endless cycle inevitably leads to burnout.  We feel irritable, depleted, hopeless, and trapped.  We’re dying for a vacation from our lives.

But this pattern doesn’t have to be our daily norm.  We can create a new way to move through our days.  We can repurpose our time in a way that helps us feel more relaxed, replenished, and happy.

You may be surprised to hear that research has shown the typical American has more leisure time than fifty years ago.  This may sound unbelievable because it doesn’t feel the least bit relaxing.  There are a few reasons why we don’t feel like we have much downtime time.  One reason is the constant interruption from our technology.  Our phone notifications drag us out of moments meant to be relaxing.  We get work emails or alerts about stressful news or photos of an acquaintance’s tropical vacation pulling our attention away from dinner with the family or a walk with a friend.  And these distractions tend to fill us with guilt about what we “should” be doing and jealousy about what we wish we were doing.  It’s hard to ever feel fully present in a moment of leisure.

A second reason we don’t feel we have much downtime time is because it often comes in small moments scattered throughout the day rather than in one big chunk of an hour or two.  Brigid Schulte coined the term “time confetti” to describe these brief snippets of downtime which we tend to fill with stressful multitasking.  Think about the 8 minutes you have between meetings, the 10 minutes in the car pickup line, the 12 minutes before dinner needs to get started, etc.  We tend to fill these small segments of downtime with what we think is a “productive activity.”  We answer emails, make a phone call to schedule an appointment, respond to an invitation, research an item we’re shopping for, follow up on a favor from a friend, and on and on.  And before you know it, the time is gone without leaving us the least bit relaxed.  We never take a break! 

The good news is there are clear steps we can take to reclaim our leisure time so that we feel more relaxed and rejuvenated during the day. 

• Track your time confetti.  Start noticing those moments of unscheduled time during the day when you could be more intentional about taking a meaningful break.  See if you find regular opportunities to shift your attention from taking care of business or taking care of others toward taking care of you.
• Reduce interruptions from your devices.  Turn off notifications from your phone and computer.  You want to be more intentional about when you check in with work, friends, emails, etc. Utilize the do not disturb or focus setting on your phone.  Put your devices in a designated place off your person when you want to be really present.
• Set realistic expectations for the day.  Identify the tasks you want to prioritize so that you feel you were productive without overextending yourself.  You don’t need to do it all in one day. Plan your days with space to rest built in.
• Block your time.  Give yourself set times for specific activities you can do once or twice per day, like checking emails or responding to texts.  You do not need to be constantly available and responsive.  Reserve a block of time for activities that bring you relaxation or pleasure.
• Be intentional about how you spend your time confetti.  The key to feeling more relaxed and fulfilled throughout the day is to have a plan for what will help you feel restored.  Have a list of options on hand so you’re not wasting time debating what to do.  Think about what you find calming to your nervous system or uplifting to your spirit.  Here are some ideas to get you started.

With regular practice, we can create a daily pace that includes restorative rest. We can redefine a “good day” as one that includes calm and joy rather than a day filled with busyness. This may require a shift in values if you’re used to judging your worth based on productivity. But you will begin to find that when you prioritize taking care of yourself throughout the day, you’ll feel so much better and have more to offer others.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling a consultation for an appointment with Dr. Smith, please email ssmith@lakefrontpsychology.com or use the contact form. 

The post Reclaiming Your Time to Restore Your Energy & Relax appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

If you find yourself drowning is a sea of responsibilities, feeling weighed down by constant exhaustion and overwhelming busyness, you are not alone.  Many Americans are reporting a drop in energy as stress levels rise.  We are juggling multiple roles and demands for our energy.  The fact is that your energy (including physical, emotional, and mental reserve) is a finite resource that must be renewed regularly.  We have to honor what it means to be human with these real limitations.  Continuing to push ourselves beyond our capacity is a recipe for stress exhaustion.

You can recognize stress exhaustion by the following symptoms:

• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Headaches
• Body aches
• Upset stomach
• Irritability
• Crying spells
• Difficulty concentrating
• Forgetfulness
• Racing thoughts
• Low motivation

If you are experiencing three or more of the symptoms above, it’s time to take some steps to regain your energy and avoid the harmful consequences of stress exhaustion.

Honestly Assess Your Energetic Drains

Begin by identifying all the factors in your life that require energy.  This will include daily energetic drains (like household chores) as well as the less frequent drains (like medical issues).  Once you have your list of factors, assess what percentage of your energy seems to go to each lately.  Creating a pie chart or list is a helpful way to do this.  Knowing your energetic demands can only add up to 100%, be honest with yourself about how much of your energy goes towards work, kids, parents, partner, friends, exercise, hobbies, volunteer projects, household chores, running errands, etc.

• Kids – 40%
• Work – 30%
• Partner – 10%
• Chores – 10%
• Volunteering – 5%
• Parents – 5%

Match Your Energy to Your Values

Most people get about half way through their list of energetic drains and realize they already used up 100% of their energy resources.  How in the world can you create more energy for exercise, hobbies, or friends when 100% of your energy is already allocated to work, kids, partner, etc.?  Take an honest look at your pie chart and see if it matches your values.  Is this how you want to prioritize your energy?  Does this feel satisfying?

If your energy isn’t lining up well with your values, then it’s time to consider creating change.  How would you like this pie chart to look?  Can you outsource some of your responsibilities or ask for help so the burden is less?  Where can you ease up on your energetic expense in order to create space for something more important?  Maybe this month you cut back on volunteering so you can help out your parents, go to the gym, or have lunch with a good friend.  Every choice you make to spend your energy requires a sacrifice of energy elsewhere.  So be thoughtful about what matters most to you. And give yourself permission to view these choices as temporary, so you can adjust how you spend your energy over time.

Practice Self-Compassion with Your Energy

We often feel uncomfortable challenging how we spend our energy because we hold unrealistic expectations for ourselves.  Many of us feel burdened by the “shoulds” in our heads.  We should be rock stars as employees, partners, parents, friends, etc.  We believe we need to always be excelling and fully invested in each part of our lives, fulfilling everyone’s expectations all while staying fit and happy.  And if we’re not perfect in all areas, then we harshly judge ourselves as total failures.  These perfectionistic standards may come from our childhoods or our communities.  And they cause us such unnecessary suffering.  It is an act of self-compassion to acknowledge these unhelpful burdens we place on ourselves and try to accept that we simply cannot do it all at once perfectly.  Once again, we must respect that we are human and our energy resources are finite.

Allow yourself to choose just three things each day to really focus your energy on.  Imagine your energetic pie will shift from day to day.  Some days you may go all in with work, family, and partner.  While other days you’re all in with exercise, friends, and hobbies.  Imagine shifting priorities from day to day so that over the course of the month you feel like you’ve given your energy to each aspect of life you find valuable.  And give yourself permission to let the other things drop down on your list that day without guilt or anxiety.  Your focus is to spend energy in a compassionate way that reflects your values.  You can still keep up with chores and errands, but you allow them smaller slivers of the pie on different days, just 5-10%.

Renew Your Energy

Continuing to expend energy without renewing it is a fast track to stress exhaustion.  Consider what you personally find renewing: getting a good night’s sleep, reading a book, catching up with old friends, binge watching shows on your couch, going for a walk, meditating, etc.  Try to cultivate as many strategies as possible to renew your energetic reserves and prioritize creating the time and space for this in your daily life, yes…daily life.

Many people struggle to give themselves permission to rest and recover, viewing it as self-indulgent or selfish.  Yet nurturing yourself is how you create even more energy for personal wellness and caretaking.  It’s like the old saying: You can’t pour from an empty cup.  Refilling yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Focus Your Energy

Mental exhaustion is often related to relying heavily on multitasking.  You respond to texts while watching the kids or work through your daily agenda while walking the dog.  Multitasking is an inefficient use of energy.  It requires our brains to constantly shift attention and focus.  We not only waste mental resources in this process, we also tend to feel like we’re failing in each role.  Without adequate focused attention on each task, we easily become confused or forgetful.  This is because our minds work better when focused on one thing at a time.  We can be more relaxed when we let ourselves get into the zone rather than juggling multiple demands and interruptions.

To focus your energy, it’s helpful to create space between tasks.  Imagine allowing yourself a brief mental break between each task or role you have.  You might take a deep breath and just tell yourself that you’re letting that last task go so you can focus on the next one.  Maybe you stretch, meditate, visualize putting your responsibility onto a shelf to get a break from it.  This allows you to more fully focus on the next task at hand without wasting energy still ruminating on the last one.  This takes practice and intention.  Be compassionate with yourself as you gradually develop the ability to focus for just a few minutes on one thing at a time.  It’s often helpful to focus on being fully present in your body to stay in the moment.  Tune into your senses while letting go of distractions.

Support a Culture of Energetic Conservation

Chances are that other people in your life are struggling with this feeling of exhaustion at times.  Creating a network of support can help each person be accountable and more compassionate with themselves.  Encourage your friends and family members to renew their energetic reserves.  Support them when they set new limit that focuses their energy.  And be honest about why you chose to skip an event or task when you needed a rest.  The more we support one another to take care of our energetic priorities, the faster we create a healthier culture around the limits of our energy resources.  Be gentle with yourself and all the demands in your life as you offer the same gentleness to others.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment at Lakefront Psychology, LLC for a psychotherapy consultation, please call 216-870-9816.

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