Are you longing for more joy in your life?  Joy that comes in waves and sustains you even during difficult times?  This kind of joy could be within your reach.  And you won’t find it by having an impressive career, filling a large bank account, raising successful kids, working out to physical perfection, or even surrounding yourself with lots of people. A joyful life is rooted in a practice of gratitude.

This is a daily habit which gradually becomes a perspective on life.  You learn to appreciate your life exactly as it is and celebrate the small moments you tend to take for granted.  It’s not about constantly being happy because that is an emotion that comes and goes like all emotions.  It’s about finding the joy in yourself and your life in small doses that build.

Researchers have found that practicing gratitude has a number of benefits including improved physical health, increased empathy, reduced aggression, enhanced relationships, positive mood, and boosted productivity.  It may sound too good to be true.  But the fact is that the greater appreciation we feel in our lives, the more positively we approach challenges both within ourselves and in our world.

If you are interested in building your own gratitude practice, these strategies may help get you started in creating a habit you can sustain.

Creating a Gratitude Practice

• Daily practice. Plan to set aside time each day (or almost daily) to really focus on your day’s highlights.  This creates the habit of looking for moments of gratitude throughout the day to later celebrate.  Pair it with a habit you already have to improve your chances of sticking to it.  You could spend two minutes reviewing your gratitudes before scrolling through your emails or brushing your teeth.  Perhaps you pause from social media to count your own highlights rather than the hightlights of others.
• Create a record. It’s important to document your gratitudes as a means of recognizing their importance and reviewing them on occasion. You might jot them down in a notebook or the notes section of your phone.  You might represent them as doodles or songs.  You might write them on slips of paper you keep in a jar.  However you choose to document your gratitude, take a moment on occasion to look back and review your positive moments. Notice how great it feels to see them all laid out together.
• Share the experience. Consider sharing your gratitudes with someone you trust.  You could review gratitudes at the family dinner table or create a text string with close friends.  This adds the benefit of bringing someone in to witness the day’s highlights and share the celebrations together. It also creates accountability to keep one another on track with this practice.
• Be specific. The more personal your gratitudes are, the more powerful they are in building your sense of joy.  Make a practice of noticing the specific, small moments in your day worth celebrating.  A meaningful gratitude practice shifts how you look at your daily life to sharpen your focus on the highlight reel.

Many people struggle to know what to be thankful for beyond the obvious or generic ideas of good health, friendship, safety.  Looking a bit deeper, you will find that there are precious things to be thankful for throughout your life and your days.  This list below is by no means exhaustive but may serve as a helpful inspiration in identifying all you can be thankful for in your world just as it is.

Finding Your Gratitudes

Gratitude for yourself.  A meaningful gratitude practice must include conscious celebrations of your own daily victories.  We are often so entrenched in a habit of pointing out our personal flaws that we completely disregard the moments when we are shining.  This is a path to misery and low self-esteem. Instead, try noticing how often you are really growing, managing challenges well, and adding light to the world.  Celebrate your efforts to take better care of yourself and create more positive habits.  You might be grateful for going to a social event you’d typically avoid, for planning ahead with a crockpot meal on a busy evening, for going to bed early so you can feel your best.

Gratitude for physical wellness.  Appreciating good health means more than the absence of illness.  In fact, practicing gratitude can be especially important in the face of chronic health conditions or illness.  Notice the moments in your day when your body is working for you.  Recognize what feels good in your body and the efforts you make to improve your wellness.  You might be grateful for taking a walk during lunch, for having strong arms to carry your child, for the moments of relief during a hot bath.

Gratitude for community.  Emotional wellness is strongly tied to feel part of a supportive community.  Take a moment to recognize the people in your life who lift you up, ease your burdens, share your joys each day.  Notice people who are near and far, familiar and strangers.  You might be grateful for the kind smile of the teenager who held a door open for you, for the availability of a friend when you called, for being able to offer support to a family member.

Gratitude for resiliency.  We all encounter tough moments in life. Often these difficult events are outside of our control, unpredictable, or overwhelming.  Finding gratitude in the toughest times is when it’s most important. Resiliency means we are stretched without breaking and can bounce back in a way that maintains our strength and integrity.  Choosing to express gratitude for our ability to stretch and recover in the face of challenges increases our sense of well-being and builds our confidence in weathering future storms.  Instead of focusing our mental and emotional energy of things outside of our control or beating ourselves up for mistakes already made, we can choose to focus on what we learn in the midst of the tough moments.  You might be grateful for choosing to apologize to your spouse after an argument, for the persistence to keep submitting job applications after rejections, for your child’s emotional recovery after a meltdown to enjoy a peaceful bath.

Gratitude for the natural world.  Taking time to notice the beauty in your natural world can be very grounding.  We often take for granted what is all around us.  Tune into your senses each day for just a moment to notice what your natural world has to offer.  You might be grateful for a pastel sunset you saw while crossing a parking lot, for a cool breeze as you finished your run, for the rain that grows the plants.

Gratitude for ease.  We are all supported by invisible or silent things in our daily lives that we simply never bother to notice.  Make the effort to tune into the people and things that ease your daily experience and see how it fills you with appreciation.  You might be grateful for the comfy shoes that help you walk all day, for the garbage collectors who often do their work invisibly, for the hot tea that helped you relax at the end of the difficult day.

Once you start developing a daily practice of gratitude, you will find yourself going through a world looking out for moments to appreciate while they’re happening.  You will notice and feel more goodness in your daily life which helps you offer more to others as well.

Please note that if you are unable to find moments of gratitude over the course of a few days, this may indicate you are in the midst of depression or another mental health struggle.  Seek professional help from mental health providers or your physician to address this underlying concern, because mood disorders are treatable.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment at Lakefront Psychology, LLC for a psychotherapy consultation, please call 216-870-9816.

The post Boosting Joy with Gratitude: Practical Steps to Build a Meaningful Practice appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Written by Drs. Carrie King & Suzanne Smith

Women Who Struggle With Body Image Learn These Messages Early in Life

My mother was always on a diet and complaining about how big she got after having us kids. My grandmother always pushed me to, “Eat! Eat!” and then spent dinner talking about my “fat” cousin Tali. My father wouldn’t buy me a bikini at age 5, and I knew why. My mom doted on my “skinny” brother, talking constantly about her battle to get food to stick to his ribs, and I envied the attention and his size. My father imitated blowing up a balloon whenever I asked for seconds.

Consider for a moment how these messages absorb into the skin, burrow paths to the heart, and make clear indentations on body image and self-worth. How would these messages continue to inform how you see yourself, what you eat, and how you feel when you do? Is it possible that you consciously or unconsciously transmit these same painful messages to your own children?

Harmful Messages Parents May Not Know They’re Sending

You may be very thoughtful when talking to your children about what they’re eating and their appearance but then slip when talking about yourself. We can be very thoughtful of avoiding the words “good” and “bad” when we talk about foods with our children, and then grab a handful of chips and say, “I’m cheating.” We inadvertently reinforce the idea that there is a right and public way to eat and a wrong and secret way to eat. Our seemingly light comments linking our own behaviors to our own appearance can be damaging: “I better stop there or I won’t look good in my dress tomorrow.”

Increasing Parental Awareness & Compassion for Our Own Body Image Issues

Growing up in a culture focused on beauty, thinness, and dieting is a challenge for all of us. As parents, it’s important to take the time to reflect on our own feelings about our bodies and the messages we’ve internalized through the years. Think back to how your own parents talked about eating and appearance. Recall your personal insecurities with your body as you grew up. Maybe you were focused on flabby arms, skinny legs, or simply not fitting into the uniform the way the other kids did. Maybe your own mother was always on fad diets or pointing out thin women she envied.  These messages affect how we feel about our bodies from childhood and can affect us in unconscious ways throughout our lives.

Explore the thoughts you have as an adult about your body and eating. Most of us are highly critical about our own bodies, focusing on areas we believe are imperfect or “trouble spots.” Notice how you talk to yourself in your own quiet mind. Are you encouraging and complimentary about your body? Or are you critical and shaming? When you think about exercising, are you focused on feeling strong or punishing yourself for an indulgent dessert the night before? When you think about eating, are you focused on how the food will taste or how it will add weight or worsen your “trouble spots”?

Parents who are aware of their own inner thoughts on body image and eating are better able to filter the messages they want to give their children. When we speak to ourselves with body-positive messages, we are better able to transmit these healthy messages to our children. Our children are constantly forming messages about who they are how they are valued based on what we as parents say about them, ourselves, and others in our world. Learning to be more conscious and mindful about the messages we send will powerfully influence how our children feel about themselves. We want to send the message that we value people for qualities that are more important than appearance. The strategies below are intended to help you accomplish this goal of sending positive messages about body image and food.

Strategies to Build Your Daughter’s Healthy Body Image

• Talk about healthy eating habits as a family. Even if you choose to make a dietary change for yourself, talk about goals related to how you want to feel and what you want to do rather than weight you want to lose.  You might say, “I’m going to have a yummy salad so I have good energy to play tag with you,” rather than “I really need to eat this salad to lose my spare tire.”
• Greet people in a welcoming way that does not include comments about appearance. Instead of saying, “Your hair looks great!” or “You look so young!” try saying “It’s so good to see you!” or “We missed you!” This demonstrates that we notice and value people for qualities other than appearance.
• Try to limit mirrors in your household wherever possible. Looking for something to fill a blank wall? Think art! Having many mirrors in the environment encourages a focus on appearance and how others see us rather than how we internally feel about ourselves.
• Be thoughtful about how you talk about others when they are not around. For example, avoid talking about others’ appearances to (or within earshot of) your children when those people are not around. Children learn a lot from what we do and don’t say when someone leaves the dinner table to go to the restroom. Instead, focus on the people who are present with you, ask a trivia question, and pass the appetizers.
• Enthusiastically express your values in qualities other than appearance. Think about the qualities you want to nurture in your own children. Stop expressing a value in small size and beauty over other characteristics. Talk first about how generous, forgiving, hard-working, or bold your daughter’s teammate is before you comment on her cuteness.
• Focus on fullness and satisfaction when determining the end of a meal or choice of a snack. This helps your child learn to notice his/her own body’s signals for having eaten enough. Focus less on the effects over-eating might have on body size or appearance and more on how the body feels when full.
• Teach children about foods that bring them energy (protein) and boost their immunity (fruits and vegetable) and that help them grow strong bones (dairy).  Show them how to balance their choices throughout the day to feel healthy.
• Emphasize health rather than size when talking about our bodies. When you clip their fingernails or comment on how a cut has healed, take the opportunity to say: “You must be eating such healthy foods for your nails to grow so quickly, or your body to close up that cut so nicely.” In essence, link eating with living, not looking in the mirror.
• Do not label foods as “good” or “bad.” This offers a false dichotomy and appeals to the rigid thinking of individuals with eating and body image issues. Focus more on variety and moderation.
• Remove scales from easy-access areas. If you must keep a scale in your home, keep it tucked away behind the toilet bowl cleaner under the sink. Focusing on weight as a measure of health minimizes all the other important aspects of wellness such as good energy, strength, concentration, and emotional regulation.

Harness Your Parental Influence to Support Girls Who Love Their Bodies

Parents play a powerful role in shaping how a child views herself, her body, her self-worth. The less emphasis we place on physical appearance, the less likely our children will be to form unhealthy relationships with food and body image. The more consciously we parent our children to hear healthy, empowering messages, the more likely they will be to internalize those voices and develop positive feelings about themselves as adults.

If you find your child or teen is already struggling with body image and/or unhealthy eating patterns, it can be helpful to seek professional guidance from a therapist who specializes in these issues. The earlier you address these concerns, the better the outcome will be for the whole family.

The post Raising Girls to Become Women Who Love Their Bodies & Food appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

The pressures on moms these days are greater than ever. Moms are expected to give all of themselves to their families all of the time. There are powerful messages in our culture telling moms just what they should do to be successful. They are expected to breastfeed for a year; choose organic foods and fabrics; plan, prepare, and clean up three healthy meals and three nutritious snacks per day; keep your child intellectually, emotionally, and physically stimulated around the clock; be positive; guide their social development; create exciting crafts and science projects with your children; and always, always be emotionally available and present.

This is an impossible expectation in the best of situations, when a woman is healthy and well resourced with financial means, education, and social support. And for most moms, the expectations don’t end there. They have other responsibilities beyond mothering that require attention, time, and energy. They may have to manage chronic health conditions in themselves, their children, their partners, or their parents. They juggle friendships, jobs, and volunteer work not to mention endless household chores. There is little left for the self.

Moms are often left feeling utterly depleted. And when this state of exhaustion goes on without recovery, moms experience burnout.  See if any of these symptoms sound familiar.

Symptoms of Mom Burnout

Fatigue
Irritability
Sleep problems
Yelling
Lack of pleasure
Zoning out
Headaches & body aches
Unhealthy coping behaviors
Lack of motivation

As the saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. No one benefits when moms give so much of themselves that they have nothing left. It’s important to challenge these unrealistic expectations and create a practice of quality self-care.

Steps to Recover from Mom Burnout

1.Identify what zaps your energy. Understanding why you’re so exhausted all the time is the first step to making healthier changes. Think about all the activities in your day that require an output of energy. Make certain to include the physical demands, mental load, and emotional work of managing everyone and everything all the time. Think about the energy it takes to wrestle toddlers into carseats, navigate the grocery store with kids, remember gifts for upcoming birthdays, plan for school year challenges, juggle schedules, etc.  Sometimes it’s validating to create a list of all you think about and do in a day to recognize why you feel so worn out.

2. Begin letting go of burdens. After you see the list of all the energetic drains, see if you can identify just one responsibility you might give up today. Perhaps there’s a duty you could delegate to someone else. Or maybe there are social pressures you could let go of. Start with something that feels relatively easy to take off your to-do list and notice how you feel without that responsibility. Remember that you can let go of a mental task or emotional demand as well. Try saying no to requests for your time and energy that feel like burdens. And maybe you could let go of worrying about whether someone else is upset when you set a boundary.

3. Renew your energy. Identify what helps you feel renewed and refreshed. Maybe you crave physical activity or time in nature. Maybe you need alone time to recharge. Maybe you have a favorite hobby or passion that has taken the backseat to mothering for awhile. Figure out what helps you get energy back in again and make it a priority to build that into your life. This is not optional. It cannot be the last thing on the list each day. Carve out dedicated space for your self-care and teach the people in your life to respect this. It is a wonderful way to teach your children about wellness and balance.

4. Focus on what really matters. So often we burden ourselves with expectations that don’t accurately represent our values. We may find ourselves swept up by social pressures to maintain a public image, pushing ourselves, our kids, our homes to always appear perfect. It can feel overwhelming and unfulfilling. Take a moment to reflect on what values matter most to you and your family. How do you really measure your success as a mother, wife, friend, daughter, person? When you focus on what really gives you a sense of meaning, it can become easier to release yourself from the excessive expectations.

5. Create a supportive culture. Surround yourself with people who value and support you, including your mission to have a balanced life. Distance yourself from people who seem to drain you all the time or reinforce negative messages about yourself and what you should be doing. As you become more comfortable pacing yourself by balancing the energy in with the energy out, you will find that you enjoy the company of authentic friends more. Your example of balance can help shift the culture of the people you are closest to.  Cheer on friends who take care of themselves too.

If you find yourself struggling to recover from burnout, it may be helpful to seek professional guidance.  We often get messages early in life about sacrifice, motherhood, and pushing ourselves to the limit.  Many women struggle with feeling like failures if they need to take a break to honor their own limits.  And a skilled therapist can help you unpack these unhelpful old messages in order to choose the ones that best serve you and your life now.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

The post Understanding Mom Burnout & Steps to Recover appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Spring is a powerful time of new beginnings. The days draw out longer as new signs of life spring from the earth. We often feel inspired to begin spring cleaning in our homes and our gardens, clearing out the dust and old leaves to create fresh new space. It can feel liberating and refreshing to get rid of what no longer serves us. And perhaps this year we can apply the same spring cleaning spirit to our inner lives as well.

Whether you are ready to deepen your roots or grow new sprouts, spring can be a great motivation to make some of the changes you’ve been seeking in your life.  these steps will get you started on a path toward meaningful change.

Step 1: Self -Reflection

Take a little time to examine your patterns of thinking and behaving. Enter this process from a place of curiosity and self-love. The focus is to understand yourself, not judge yourself. Honestly, notice the repetitive thoughts that seem to swirl around your head and the mindless behaviors you engage in regularly. Give yourself quiet time to compassionately look at yourself and your life as it is without needing input or judgement from anyone else.

Step 2: Choose What to Keep

Identify what’s been working for you. Highlight the progress you’ve made in the past year and the specific thoughts that helped you through tough times. Focus on the moments when you have felt your best about yourself and your life. Which thoughts were swirling during these times? Celebrate the healthy behaviors you engage in to feel nourished and strong. Save time and energy for these thoughts and behaviors that serve you well.

Step 3: Choose What to Clean Out

Identify the parts of your life that aren’t working so well for you that are within your control. Are there thoughts, fears that keep you up at night or seem to intrude on pleasant moments? Maybe you lie awake at night worrying about events from your past or fretting about possible troubles in your future. See if there is a common theme or core belief for these unhelpful thoughts. Are there habits that aren’t in line with your values? Maybe you find yourself too easily sucked into technology or social media in a way that takes you out of the present moment. Maybe you’ve always highly valued nature, creativity, or physical challenges but haven’t made time for these lately. Lovingly figure out one or two aspects of your life that you feel ready to change.

Step 4: Pruning & Letting Go

Give yourself permission to let go of these old habits of thinking and behaving. Your thoughts and actions do not define you and do not need to remain stagnant. It can often feel scary to change old patterns, even when we realize they do not serve us well. Afterall, the longer you’ve been in the same cycle of thinking or doing, the more familiar it has become, like worn out old slippers that form to the feet but have holes that let in the cold. Acknowledge that these old patterns no longer serve you, and it’s okay to make space for new ones.

Step 5: Creating New Growth

Sometimes the new growth for our lives is beneath the surface. We seek to feel rooted down and grounded. This may mean cutting back on obligations, saying no, setting new boundaries to allow you to focus on what really matters in the here and now. Steady yourself with a clear intention and helpful thoughts. For example, if you want to feel satisfied and content in your life as it is, you might focus on the thought “I have enough. I do enough. I am enough.” And allow your actions to be consistent with this message.

Sometimes the new growth means expanding our lives and reaching out. We seek to stretch and create new opportunities for ourselves. This may mean pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, trying new things, saying yes so that you can discover new aspects of yourself. Focus your energy on thoughts that help you feel energized and motivated, such as, “I’m capable and ready.” Borrow inspiration from others and create something authentic that suits you.

Set goals for yourself that are realistic, measurable, and above all important to you. Make certain to get support from others who care about your wellness and will encourage your personal journey. Celebrate your progress and troubleshoot when you struggle. And be kind to yourself as you work through the natural ups and downs of making personal change.

This spring give yourself the gift of a new beginning from the inside out. We are never finished growing and changing. Root yourself with intention and give yourself a healthy direction to grow. We all need pruning now and then to really flourish.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

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