So many of us feel like we simply have no time and no energy left for ourselves.  Our days feel full of endless responsibilities and chores.  We grind through the to do list each day, often multitasking to maximize efficiency.  Then we crash in the evening from sheer exhaustion only to wake up and begin the process all over again the next day.  This endless cycle inevitably leads to burnout.  We feel irritable, depleted, hopeless, and trapped.  We’re dying for a vacation from our lives.

But this pattern doesn’t have to be our daily norm.  We can create a new way to move through our days.  We can repurpose our time in a way that helps us feel more relaxed, replenished, and happy.

You may be surprised to hear that research has shown the typical American has more leisure time than fifty years ago.  This may sound unbelievable because it doesn’t feel the least bit relaxing.  There are a few reasons why we don’t feel like we have much downtime time.  One reason is the constant interruption from our technology.  Our phone notifications drag us out of moments meant to be relaxing.  We get work emails or alerts about stressful news or photos of an acquaintance’s tropical vacation pulling our attention away from dinner with the family or a walk with a friend.  And these distractions tend to fill us with guilt about what we “should” be doing and jealousy about what we wish we were doing.  It’s hard to ever feel fully present in a moment of leisure.

A second reason we don’t feel we have much downtime time is because it often comes in small moments scattered throughout the day rather than in one big chunk of an hour or two.  Brigid Schulte coined the term “time confetti” to describe these brief snippets of downtime which we tend to fill with stressful multitasking.  Think about the 8 minutes you have between meetings, the 10 minutes in the car pickup line, the 12 minutes before dinner needs to get started, etc.  We tend to fill these small segments of downtime with what we think is a “productive activity.”  We answer emails, make a phone call to schedule an appointment, respond to an invitation, research an item we’re shopping for, follow up on a favor from a friend, and on and on.  And before you know it, the time is gone without leaving us the least bit relaxed.  We never take a break! 

The good news is there are clear steps we can take to reclaim our leisure time so that we feel more relaxed and rejuvenated during the day. 

• Track your time confetti.  Start noticing those moments of unscheduled time during the day when you could be more intentional about taking a meaningful break.  See if you find regular opportunities to shift your attention from taking care of business or taking care of others toward taking care of you.
• Reduce interruptions from your devices.  Turn off notifications from your phone and computer.  You want to be more intentional about when you check in with work, friends, emails, etc. Utilize the do not disturb or focus setting on your phone.  Put your devices in a designated place off your person when you want to be really present.
• Set realistic expectations for the day.  Identify the tasks you want to prioritize so that you feel you were productive without overextending yourself.  You don’t need to do it all in one day. Plan your days with space to rest built in.
• Block your time.  Give yourself set times for specific activities you can do once or twice per day, like checking emails or responding to texts.  You do not need to be constantly available and responsive.  Reserve a block of time for activities that bring you relaxation or pleasure.
• Be intentional about how you spend your time confetti.  The key to feeling more relaxed and fulfilled throughout the day is to have a plan for what will help you feel restored.  Have a list of options on hand so you’re not wasting time debating what to do.  Think about what you find calming to your nervous system or uplifting to your spirit.  Here are some ideas to get you started.

With regular practice, we can create a daily pace that includes restorative rest. We can redefine a “good day” as one that includes calm and joy rather than a day filled with busyness. This may require a shift in values if you’re used to judging your worth based on productivity. But you will begin to find that when you prioritize taking care of yourself throughout the day, you’ll feel so much better and have more to offer others.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling a consultation for an appointment with Dr. Smith, please email ssmith@lakefrontpsychology.com or use the contact form. 

The post Reclaiming Your Time to Restore Your Energy & Relax appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

November 1^st marks the beginning of the holiday season for many.  And holiday seasons are stressful.  Routines are different, expectations are high, calendars fill up quickly, and sleep is often cut short.  We tend to get so consumed with making everyone happy and fulfilling each obligation that we end up feeling frazzled and depleted.  It’s easy to lose sight of what’s most joyful and meaningful to you.  Perhaps this holiday season it’s time to make a few shifts within yourself to focus your energy where it’s most meaningful.

Take inventory of your emotional response to the holidays.  Do you find yourself feeling excited and full of energy?  Or are you feeling dread and weighed down by stress?  Maybe you have a mix of feelings depending on the day or the event at hand.  We all respond differently to the holidays depending on what we expect of ourselves and how things have gone in the past.  Many of us spend so much energy focused on anticipating everyone else’s moods and needs that we give little attention to our own moods and needs.  Allow yourself to notice and be aware of the feelings that surface during the holidays so you can respond with greater sensitivity to yourself.  When we make choices that are consistent with our authentic selves, we feel more calm and present.

Prioritize the events and traditions that matter most.  Choose the parts of the holiday season that have the most meaning for you and create time for them that is non-negotiable.  Then you can make certain these things are given adequate time and energy before your family calendar fills up with events of all kinds.  If you love baking with your kids, then reserve a day for this activity now.  If volunteering at a soup kitchen is really meaningful to you, then add this to your calendar first.  Be honest with yourself about what matters most to you rather than what fulfills obligations or expectations.  Allow yourself to go all out on the holiday traditions you really love and bask in the pure joy of it.

Allow yourself to cut corners and set boundaries.  Once you’ve prioritized what matters most to you during the holiday season, you more easily recognize those things that matter less.  Give yourself permission to take time and energy away from these less meaningful tasks.  This may mean saying no to the tiresome work party or labor-intensive cookie exchange.  It may mean buying pre-made treats for the class party or appetizers for the potluck.  Maybe you let yourself take a year off from sending holiday cards or decorating the house.  And view these decisions to cut back as gifts to yourself as you better allocate that energy on the things you most care about.  Imagine you are pruning a rose bush, cutting off the parts that suck your energy so the blooms that matter most will flourish.

Focus your energy on deepening relationships during social gatherings.  While it may seem obvious that we are socializing during social gatherings, the quality of social interaction often feels pretty superficial.  Many people describe walking away from a holiday gathering feeling surprisingly drained, lonely, or disappointed.  Often, we spend our energy on tending to everyone’s needs, running around hosting and making sure everyone has food and drink.  Or we get caught up in old patterns interacting with people, seeking approval or validation which leaves us feeling a familiar sense of tension.  This is exhausting.

Instead try focusing on just one or two people to have deeper conversations with and discover how this feels more fulfilling and energizing.  You can choose someone you just met or someone you know fairly well.  Ask more personal questions than the typical superficial checking in and really listen to the answers.  See if you can learn more about their history, their opinions, their passions.  Share about yourself on a deeper level too.  We rarely have opportunities to share our inner thoughts and feelings or to tell stories about our lives.  A focused conversation where you begin to connect more intimately will give you both a more meaningful experience.

Set aside time to rest and reflect.  We often get so caught up in the busyness of the holidays that we rarely have the opportunity to sit still and enjoy the moment.  This involves allowing yourself both physical rest as well as mental rest.  You need a break from the mental work of planning, list making, scheduling, and organizing.  Give yourself permission to take regular breaks from these physical and mental tasks so you can focus on being present in the experience.  It can be helpful to focus the busy mind on physical sensations, like the sights, smells, and sounds all around you.  Allow yourself to sit and absorb it all, even for just a couple minutes at a time.

These small changes in how you approach the holidays can help you feel radically more relaxed and joyful.  It’s a daily practice to resist the urge of responding to each and every request for your time and energy.  Having support helps.  Consider asking a friend or family member to try making these changes with you so that you can encourage one another.  Give each other a high five when you see the other person following through on these changes.  And praise each other for setting new boundaries or refocusing when either of you get off track.  Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.  This kind of change is rooted in loving and honoring yourself.  You too deserve to enjoy the holiday season in a meaningful way!

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

The post Creating a More Relaxed & Meaningful Holiday Season from Within appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.