Many people have excitedly awaited the COVID-19 vaccine as a step toward feeling protected and safer to return to a life that looks a bit more “normal.”  The idea of getting vaccinated to prevent serious illness and death from this virus holds great promise as a relief from so much stress and worry of the past year.  Yet many people are experiencing a new kind of stress after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine.

Once vaccinated and beyond the 2-week window of efficacy, the journey begins for each of us to re-establish normal living.  After a year of living with COVID-19 restrictions, there are many new decisions to be made.  Initially, we may feel great excitement and hope as we plan get-togethers with the people we’ve missed and imagine resuming activities and events that had been out of reach for a year.  But as these possibilities become a reality, we are once again grappling to decide which behaviors feel safe now.  Can we have dinner with friends unmasked?  Should I go to the store during peak times?  Is it safe for my kids to play at the park unmasked?  We second guess ourselves and feel guilt after a social event.  Was that a safe party to attend?  Did we put ourselves or others at risk by going to that event? Are people judging me as too risky, too paranoid, too introverted?

Unexpected Stress

There is a great deal of unexpected stress that comes with transitioning our lives from pandemic lockdown fear to vaccine hope.  Psychologist describe stress as anything that requires us to make adjustment in our daily lives.  We readily identify stressful triggers that are difficult events like a diagnosis of a medical illness, job loss, relationship conflict, or financial strain.  However, stressful triggers can also be positive events like a promotion, going on vacation, moving to a new home, or financial gains.  Any event that requires us to shift out of our routines and make adjustments in how we think or feel about our world will naturally create a stress response in the body and mind. 

The COVID-19 vaccine is one of these good stressors that causes us to make new adjustments.  We must rethink how we live our lives.  We must negotiate new decisions about our social obligations, work demands, and family events.  This puts us out of what had become our familiar zone. Activities that used to be familiar now feel like a strain or awkward. We simply didn’t have much practice with social skills and activities outside the home.  It feels like more effort to sustain casual conversations or make small talk.  We may be feeling greater pressure to attend social events and resume busy family and work schedules.  We must again navigate tricky conversations with family, friends, and neighbors as we discuss what everyone feels safe doing. 

COVID-19 stay-at-home orders had some unforeseen benefits that we may be reluctant to give up.  Work expectations may be changing and we may have mixed feelings about transitioning back to in person interactions.  This takes an transition requires effort, even though it used to be familiar. Many people who never had travel or social anxiety in the past have found new discomfort when faced with a trip or social event.  And those who are familiar with travel and social anxiety are often feeling greater intensity of these challenges after a year of avoiding them. 

We may also be surprised by feelings of disappointment and sadness when our life with the COVID-19 vaccine still differs in important ways from our pre-pandemic life.  Attending events with masks, social distancing, and smaller numbers may still feel frustrating.  We may be craving the comfort of not worrying about airborne infections as we intermingle with friends and strangers.  So the COVID-19 safe graduation ceremony, funeral, or exercise class may feel close to what we miss from our old lives while still missing some essential element.  And we are left feeling dissatisfied and somehow more unfulfilled.

This stress has a significant effect on our bodies and minds.  Exhaustion is a common first sign of this stress.  We are taxing our minds as we debate all of these new decisions and revive our social skills.  Sleep may be disturbed.  Muscle tension resulting pain and headaches are more common.  Many people describe increased irritability and mood swings.  Our concentration and memory may be suffering.  Children, who are also experiencing this stress, may display more acting out behaviors and emotional outbursts.  If you are experiencing these discomforts, you are not alone. Understanding and coping with this stress is key to moving through this transition with a bit less distress.

Stress Coping Strategies

Recognize your own signs of stress.  It’s important that each of us take the time to check in with how we’re feeling regularly to remain aware of when we’re feeling increased stress.  We each will have our own red flags.  Observe your body and behavior to recognize whether you’re someone who feels stress as a racing heartbeat, backache, insomnia, over-eating, restlessness, jaw clenching, irritability, or any of the many other ways our bodies experience stress.  Know what your signs are so you can monitor how they change throughout the day or week.  This will allow you to more effectively intervene with your stress while it’s at a manageable level rather than waiting until you hit overwhelm.  The articles below provide some useful guidance for coping with stress.

Set aside time for rest.  We may feel so excited to fill our schedules with activities that we’ve been missing that we end up feeling over-extended and exhausted.  Plan ahead for more rest than you think you’ll need.  Give yourself a day of quiet to recover after social events.  Go to bed early.  Create a bedtime routine that is soothing and consistent.  Schedule brief breaks in your day of quiet and stillness.  Your body will better recover from stress when you have plenty of rest throughout your days rather than waiting to crash into bed late at night.

Prioritize your social engagements and activities.  You don’t need to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way.  Start slowly as you focus on the people and activities you’ve missed most during this past year.  Resist the urge to fulfill every social obligation that comes your way.  You are still permitted to have boundaries and say no.  Even when you’re not concerned about health risks or COVID-19 infections, it’s okay to choose to opt out of activities that will drain you.  Many people observed that one of the unexpected benefits of quarantining has been a release from social obligations and constant busyness.  We can learn from this experience to protect a balance in our daily lives.

Create a plan that you can stick to for awhile.  During a time when you’re feeling calm and clear headed, sit down and write out what type of activities feel safe for you and your family based on good science and reliable resources.  It’ll be a useful guide for the moments when you’re feeling anxious or pressured.  You won’t need to constantly question or debate your decisions when you run each one past your plan. Only revise the plan during moments when you again feel calm and are adjusting your plan based on new information from a source you trust. 

Practice grace and patience. It’s helpful to set low expectations as you slowly figure out what feels safe for now. It’s okay to change your mind as you take in new information or try things out. You don’t need to jump into the deep end right away. Envision gradually stepping into a new chapter of your daily life, so you can adjust slowly and pause when you need to. It’s important to offer this same grace and understanding to the people in our lives who are adjusting as well. No one has it all figured out and we’re all learning as we go. We do not need to waste energy judging others or fearing judgement. We can allow one another to work through this new phase in our own ways and at our own paces.

Now that we recognize that even wonderful opportunities, like the health benefits of the COVID-19 vaccine, can create stress for our bodies and minds, we can learn to effectively cope with these changes.  With compassionate self-care it is possible to manage this unexpected stress of life with the COVID-19 vaccine while still gently opening up your social world and creating a new normal. 

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling a consultation for an appointment with Dr. Smith, please email ssmith@lakefrontpsychology.com.

The post Unexpected Stress of Adjusting to Life After the COVID-19 Vaccine appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Are you longing for more joy in your life?  Joy that comes in waves and sustains you even during difficult times?  This kind of joy could be within your reach.  And you won’t find it by having an impressive career, filling a large bank account, raising successful kids, working out to physical perfection, or even surrounding yourself with lots of people. A joyful life is rooted in a practice of gratitude.

This is a daily habit which gradually becomes a perspective on life.  You learn to appreciate your life exactly as it is and celebrate the small moments you tend to take for granted.  It’s not about constantly being happy because that is an emotion that comes and goes like all emotions.  It’s about finding the joy in yourself and your life in small doses that build.

Researchers have found that practicing gratitude has a number of benefits including improved physical health, increased empathy, reduced aggression, enhanced relationships, positive mood, and boosted productivity.  It may sound too good to be true.  But the fact is that the greater appreciation we feel in our lives, the more positively we approach challenges both within ourselves and in our world.

If you are interested in building your own gratitude practice, these strategies may help get you started in creating a habit you can sustain.

Creating a Gratitude Practice

• Daily practice. Plan to set aside time each day (or almost daily) to really focus on your day’s highlights.  This creates the habit of looking for moments of gratitude throughout the day to later celebrate.  Pair it with a habit you already have to improve your chances of sticking to it.  You could spend two minutes reviewing your gratitudes before scrolling through your emails or brushing your teeth.  Perhaps you pause from social media to count your own highlights rather than the hightlights of others.
• Create a record. It’s important to document your gratitudes as a means of recognizing their importance and reviewing them on occasion. You might jot them down in a notebook or the notes section of your phone.  You might represent them as doodles or songs.  You might write them on slips of paper you keep in a jar.  However you choose to document your gratitude, take a moment on occasion to look back and review your positive moments. Notice how great it feels to see them all laid out together.
• Share the experience. Consider sharing your gratitudes with someone you trust.  You could review gratitudes at the family dinner table or create a text string with close friends.  This adds the benefit of bringing someone in to witness the day’s highlights and share the celebrations together. It also creates accountability to keep one another on track with this practice.
• Be specific. The more personal your gratitudes are, the more powerful they are in building your sense of joy.  Make a practice of noticing the specific, small moments in your day worth celebrating.  A meaningful gratitude practice shifts how you look at your daily life to sharpen your focus on the highlight reel.

Many people struggle to know what to be thankful for beyond the obvious or generic ideas of good health, friendship, safety.  Looking a bit deeper, you will find that there are precious things to be thankful for throughout your life and your days.  This list below is by no means exhaustive but may serve as a helpful inspiration in identifying all you can be thankful for in your world just as it is.

Finding Your Gratitudes

Gratitude for yourself.  A meaningful gratitude practice must include conscious celebrations of your own daily victories.  We are often so entrenched in a habit of pointing out our personal flaws that we completely disregard the moments when we are shining.  This is a path to misery and low self-esteem. Instead, try noticing how often you are really growing, managing challenges well, and adding light to the world.  Celebrate your efforts to take better care of yourself and create more positive habits.  You might be grateful for going to a social event you’d typically avoid, for planning ahead with a crockpot meal on a busy evening, for going to bed early so you can feel your best.

Gratitude for physical wellness.  Appreciating good health means more than the absence of illness.  In fact, practicing gratitude can be especially important in the face of chronic health conditions or illness.  Notice the moments in your day when your body is working for you.  Recognize what feels good in your body and the efforts you make to improve your wellness.  You might be grateful for taking a walk during lunch, for having strong arms to carry your child, for the moments of relief during a hot bath.

Gratitude for community.  Emotional wellness is strongly tied to feel part of a supportive community.  Take a moment to recognize the people in your life who lift you up, ease your burdens, share your joys each day.  Notice people who are near and far, familiar and strangers.  You might be grateful for the kind smile of the teenager who held a door open for you, for the availability of a friend when you called, for being able to offer support to a family member.

Gratitude for resiliency.  We all encounter tough moments in life. Often these difficult events are outside of our control, unpredictable, or overwhelming.  Finding gratitude in the toughest times is when it’s most important. Resiliency means we are stretched without breaking and can bounce back in a way that maintains our strength and integrity.  Choosing to express gratitude for our ability to stretch and recover in the face of challenges increases our sense of well-being and builds our confidence in weathering future storms.  Instead of focusing our mental and emotional energy of things outside of our control or beating ourselves up for mistakes already made, we can choose to focus on what we learn in the midst of the tough moments.  You might be grateful for choosing to apologize to your spouse after an argument, for the persistence to keep submitting job applications after rejections, for your child’s emotional recovery after a meltdown to enjoy a peaceful bath.

Gratitude for the natural world.  Taking time to notice the beauty in your natural world can be very grounding.  We often take for granted what is all around us.  Tune into your senses each day for just a moment to notice what your natural world has to offer.  You might be grateful for a pastel sunset you saw while crossing a parking lot, for a cool breeze as you finished your run, for the rain that grows the plants.

Gratitude for ease.  We are all supported by invisible or silent things in our daily lives that we simply never bother to notice.  Make the effort to tune into the people and things that ease your daily experience and see how it fills you with appreciation.  You might be grateful for the comfy shoes that help you walk all day, for the garbage collectors who often do their work invisibly, for the hot tea that helped you relax at the end of the difficult day.

Once you start developing a daily practice of gratitude, you will find yourself going through a world looking out for moments to appreciate while they’re happening.  You will notice and feel more goodness in your daily life which helps you offer more to others as well.

Please note that if you are unable to find moments of gratitude over the course of a few days, this may indicate you are in the midst of depression or another mental health struggle.  Seek professional help from mental health providers or your physician to address this underlying concern, because mood disorders are treatable.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment at Lakefront Psychology, LLC for a psychotherapy consultation, please call 216-870-9816.

The post Boosting Joy with Gratitude: Practical Steps to Build a Meaningful Practice appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

If you find yourself drowning is a sea of responsibilities, feeling weighed down by constant exhaustion and overwhelming busyness, you are not alone.  Many Americans are reporting a drop in energy as stress levels rise.  We are juggling multiple roles and demands for our energy.  The fact is that your energy (including physical, emotional, and mental reserve) is a finite resource that must be renewed regularly.  We have to honor what it means to be human with these real limitations.  Continuing to push ourselves beyond our capacity is a recipe for stress exhaustion.

You can recognize stress exhaustion by the following symptoms:

• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Headaches
• Body aches
• Upset stomach
• Irritability
• Crying spells
• Difficulty concentrating
• Forgetfulness
• Racing thoughts
• Low motivation

If you are experiencing three or more of the symptoms above, it’s time to take some steps to regain your energy and avoid the harmful consequences of stress exhaustion.

Honestly Assess Your Energetic Drains

Begin by identifying all the factors in your life that require energy.  This will include daily energetic drains (like household chores) as well as the less frequent drains (like medical issues).  Once you have your list of factors, assess what percentage of your energy seems to go to each lately.  Creating a pie chart or list is a helpful way to do this.  Knowing your energetic demands can only add up to 100%, be honest with yourself about how much of your energy goes towards work, kids, parents, partner, friends, exercise, hobbies, volunteer projects, household chores, running errands, etc.

• Kids – 40%
• Work – 30%
• Partner – 10%
• Chores – 10%
• Volunteering – 5%
• Parents – 5%

Match Your Energy to Your Values

Most people get about half way through their list of energetic drains and realize they already used up 100% of their energy resources.  How in the world can you create more energy for exercise, hobbies, or friends when 100% of your energy is already allocated to work, kids, partner, etc.?  Take an honest look at your pie chart and see if it matches your values.  Is this how you want to prioritize your energy?  Does this feel satisfying?

If your energy isn’t lining up well with your values, then it’s time to consider creating change.  How would you like this pie chart to look?  Can you outsource some of your responsibilities or ask for help so the burden is less?  Where can you ease up on your energetic expense in order to create space for something more important?  Maybe this month you cut back on volunteering so you can help out your parents, go to the gym, or have lunch with a good friend.  Every choice you make to spend your energy requires a sacrifice of energy elsewhere.  So be thoughtful about what matters most to you. And give yourself permission to view these choices as temporary, so you can adjust how you spend your energy over time.

Practice Self-Compassion with Your Energy

We often feel uncomfortable challenging how we spend our energy because we hold unrealistic expectations for ourselves.  Many of us feel burdened by the “shoulds” in our heads.  We should be rock stars as employees, partners, parents, friends, etc.  We believe we need to always be excelling and fully invested in each part of our lives, fulfilling everyone’s expectations all while staying fit and happy.  And if we’re not perfect in all areas, then we harshly judge ourselves as total failures.  These perfectionistic standards may come from our childhoods or our communities.  And they cause us such unnecessary suffering.  It is an act of self-compassion to acknowledge these unhelpful burdens we place on ourselves and try to accept that we simply cannot do it all at once perfectly.  Once again, we must respect that we are human and our energy resources are finite.

Allow yourself to choose just three things each day to really focus your energy on.  Imagine your energetic pie will shift from day to day.  Some days you may go all in with work, family, and partner.  While other days you’re all in with exercise, friends, and hobbies.  Imagine shifting priorities from day to day so that over the course of the month you feel like you’ve given your energy to each aspect of life you find valuable.  And give yourself permission to let the other things drop down on your list that day without guilt or anxiety.  Your focus is to spend energy in a compassionate way that reflects your values.  You can still keep up with chores and errands, but you allow them smaller slivers of the pie on different days, just 5-10%.

Renew Your Energy

Continuing to expend energy without renewing it is a fast track to stress exhaustion.  Consider what you personally find renewing: getting a good night’s sleep, reading a book, catching up with old friends, binge watching shows on your couch, going for a walk, meditating, etc.  Try to cultivate as many strategies as possible to renew your energetic reserves and prioritize creating the time and space for this in your daily life, yes…daily life.

Many people struggle to give themselves permission to rest and recover, viewing it as self-indulgent or selfish.  Yet nurturing yourself is how you create even more energy for personal wellness and caretaking.  It’s like the old saying: You can’t pour from an empty cup.  Refilling yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Focus Your Energy

Mental exhaustion is often related to relying heavily on multitasking.  You respond to texts while watching the kids or work through your daily agenda while walking the dog.  Multitasking is an inefficient use of energy.  It requires our brains to constantly shift attention and focus.  We not only waste mental resources in this process, we also tend to feel like we’re failing in each role.  Without adequate focused attention on each task, we easily become confused or forgetful.  This is because our minds work better when focused on one thing at a time.  We can be more relaxed when we let ourselves get into the zone rather than juggling multiple demands and interruptions.

To focus your energy, it’s helpful to create space between tasks.  Imagine allowing yourself a brief mental break between each task or role you have.  You might take a deep breath and just tell yourself that you’re letting that last task go so you can focus on the next one.  Maybe you stretch, meditate, visualize putting your responsibility onto a shelf to get a break from it.  This allows you to more fully focus on the next task at hand without wasting energy still ruminating on the last one.  This takes practice and intention.  Be compassionate with yourself as you gradually develop the ability to focus for just a few minutes on one thing at a time.  It’s often helpful to focus on being fully present in your body to stay in the moment.  Tune into your senses while letting go of distractions.

Support a Culture of Energetic Conservation

Chances are that other people in your life are struggling with this feeling of exhaustion at times.  Creating a network of support can help each person be accountable and more compassionate with themselves.  Encourage your friends and family members to renew their energetic reserves.  Support them when they set new limit that focuses their energy.  And be honest about why you chose to skip an event or task when you needed a rest.  The more we support one another to take care of our energetic priorities, the faster we create a healthier culture around the limits of our energy resources.  Be gentle with yourself and all the demands in your life as you offer the same gentleness to others.

Written by Suzanne J. Smith, Ph.D. for Lakefront Psychology Blog.  If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, wellness, perinatal mood, relationships, or parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment at Lakefront Psychology, LLC for a psychotherapy consultation, please call 216-870-9816.

The post Steps to Recover Energy & Avoid Stress Exhaustion appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Written by Drs. Carrie King & Suzanne Smith

Women Who Struggle With Body Image Learn These Messages Early in Life

My mother was always on a diet and complaining about how big she got after having us kids. My grandmother always pushed me to, “Eat! Eat!” and then spent dinner talking about my “fat” cousin Tali. My father wouldn’t buy me a bikini at age 5, and I knew why. My mom doted on my “skinny” brother, talking constantly about her battle to get food to stick to his ribs, and I envied the attention and his size. My father imitated blowing up a balloon whenever I asked for seconds.

Consider for a moment how these messages absorb into the skin, burrow paths to the heart, and make clear indentations on body image and self-worth. How would these messages continue to inform how you see yourself, what you eat, and how you feel when you do? Is it possible that you consciously or unconsciously transmit these same painful messages to your own children?

Harmful Messages Parents May Not Know They’re Sending

You may be very thoughtful when talking to your children about what they’re eating and their appearance but then slip when talking about yourself. We can be very thoughtful of avoiding the words “good” and “bad” when we talk about foods with our children, and then grab a handful of chips and say, “I’m cheating.” We inadvertently reinforce the idea that there is a right and public way to eat and a wrong and secret way to eat. Our seemingly light comments linking our own behaviors to our own appearance can be damaging: “I better stop there or I won’t look good in my dress tomorrow.”

Increasing Parental Awareness & Compassion for Our Own Body Image Issues

Growing up in a culture focused on beauty, thinness, and dieting is a challenge for all of us. As parents, it’s important to take the time to reflect on our own feelings about our bodies and the messages we’ve internalized through the years. Think back to how your own parents talked about eating and appearance. Recall your personal insecurities with your body as you grew up. Maybe you were focused on flabby arms, skinny legs, or simply not fitting into the uniform the way the other kids did. Maybe your own mother was always on fad diets or pointing out thin women she envied.  These messages affect how we feel about our bodies from childhood and can affect us in unconscious ways throughout our lives.

Explore the thoughts you have as an adult about your body and eating. Most of us are highly critical about our own bodies, focusing on areas we believe are imperfect or “trouble spots.” Notice how you talk to yourself in your own quiet mind. Are you encouraging and complimentary about your body? Or are you critical and shaming? When you think about exercising, are you focused on feeling strong or punishing yourself for an indulgent dessert the night before? When you think about eating, are you focused on how the food will taste or how it will add weight or worsen your “trouble spots”?

Parents who are aware of their own inner thoughts on body image and eating are better able to filter the messages they want to give their children. When we speak to ourselves with body-positive messages, we are better able to transmit these healthy messages to our children. Our children are constantly forming messages about who they are how they are valued based on what we as parents say about them, ourselves, and others in our world. Learning to be more conscious and mindful about the messages we send will powerfully influence how our children feel about themselves. We want to send the message that we value people for qualities that are more important than appearance. The strategies below are intended to help you accomplish this goal of sending positive messages about body image and food.

Strategies to Build Your Daughter’s Healthy Body Image

• Talk about healthy eating habits as a family. Even if you choose to make a dietary change for yourself, talk about goals related to how you want to feel and what you want to do rather than weight you want to lose.  You might say, “I’m going to have a yummy salad so I have good energy to play tag with you,” rather than “I really need to eat this salad to lose my spare tire.”
• Greet people in a welcoming way that does not include comments about appearance. Instead of saying, “Your hair looks great!” or “You look so young!” try saying “It’s so good to see you!” or “We missed you!” This demonstrates that we notice and value people for qualities other than appearance.
• Try to limit mirrors in your household wherever possible. Looking for something to fill a blank wall? Think art! Having many mirrors in the environment encourages a focus on appearance and how others see us rather than how we internally feel about ourselves.
• Be thoughtful about how you talk about others when they are not around. For example, avoid talking about others’ appearances to (or within earshot of) your children when those people are not around. Children learn a lot from what we do and don’t say when someone leaves the dinner table to go to the restroom. Instead, focus on the people who are present with you, ask a trivia question, and pass the appetizers.
• Enthusiastically express your values in qualities other than appearance. Think about the qualities you want to nurture in your own children. Stop expressing a value in small size and beauty over other characteristics. Talk first about how generous, forgiving, hard-working, or bold your daughter’s teammate is before you comment on her cuteness.
• Focus on fullness and satisfaction when determining the end of a meal or choice of a snack. This helps your child learn to notice his/her own body’s signals for having eaten enough. Focus less on the effects over-eating might have on body size or appearance and more on how the body feels when full.
• Teach children about foods that bring them energy (protein) and boost their immunity (fruits and vegetable) and that help them grow strong bones (dairy).  Show them how to balance their choices throughout the day to feel healthy.
• Emphasize health rather than size when talking about our bodies. When you clip their fingernails or comment on how a cut has healed, take the opportunity to say: “You must be eating such healthy foods for your nails to grow so quickly, or your body to close up that cut so nicely.” In essence, link eating with living, not looking in the mirror.
• Do not label foods as “good” or “bad.” This offers a false dichotomy and appeals to the rigid thinking of individuals with eating and body image issues. Focus more on variety and moderation.
• Remove scales from easy-access areas. If you must keep a scale in your home, keep it tucked away behind the toilet bowl cleaner under the sink. Focusing on weight as a measure of health minimizes all the other important aspects of wellness such as good energy, strength, concentration, and emotional regulation.

Harness Your Parental Influence to Support Girls Who Love Their Bodies

Parents play a powerful role in shaping how a child views herself, her body, her self-worth. The less emphasis we place on physical appearance, the less likely our children will be to form unhealthy relationships with food and body image. The more consciously we parent our children to hear healthy, empowering messages, the more likely they will be to internalize those voices and develop positive feelings about themselves as adults.

If you find your child or teen is already struggling with body image and/or unhealthy eating patterns, it can be helpful to seek professional guidance from a therapist who specializes in these issues. The earlier you address these concerns, the better the outcome will be for the whole family.

The post Raising Girls to Become Women Who Love Their Bodies & Food appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Spring is a powerful time of new beginnings. The days draw out longer as new signs of life spring from the earth. We often feel inspired to begin spring cleaning in our homes and our gardens, clearing out the dust and old leaves to create fresh new space. It can feel liberating and refreshing to get rid of what no longer serves us. And perhaps this year we can apply the same spring cleaning spirit to our inner lives as well.

Whether you are ready to deepen your roots or grow new sprouts, spring can be a great motivation to make some of the changes you’ve been seeking in your life.  these steps will get you started on a path toward meaningful change.

Step 1: Self -Reflection

Take a little time to examine your patterns of thinking and behaving. Enter this process from a place of curiosity and self-love. The focus is to understand yourself, not judge yourself. Honestly, notice the repetitive thoughts that seem to swirl around your head and the mindless behaviors you engage in regularly. Give yourself quiet time to compassionately look at yourself and your life as it is without needing input or judgement from anyone else.

Step 2: Choose What to Keep

Identify what’s been working for you. Highlight the progress you’ve made in the past year and the specific thoughts that helped you through tough times. Focus on the moments when you have felt your best about yourself and your life. Which thoughts were swirling during these times? Celebrate the healthy behaviors you engage in to feel nourished and strong. Save time and energy for these thoughts and behaviors that serve you well.

Step 3: Choose What to Clean Out

Identify the parts of your life that aren’t working so well for you that are within your control. Are there thoughts, fears that keep you up at night or seem to intrude on pleasant moments? Maybe you lie awake at night worrying about events from your past or fretting about possible troubles in your future. See if there is a common theme or core belief for these unhelpful thoughts. Are there habits that aren’t in line with your values? Maybe you find yourself too easily sucked into technology or social media in a way that takes you out of the present moment. Maybe you’ve always highly valued nature, creativity, or physical challenges but haven’t made time for these lately. Lovingly figure out one or two aspects of your life that you feel ready to change.

Step 4: Pruning & Letting Go

Give yourself permission to let go of these old habits of thinking and behaving. Your thoughts and actions do not define you and do not need to remain stagnant. It can often feel scary to change old patterns, even when we realize they do not serve us well. Afterall, the longer you’ve been in the same cycle of thinking or doing, the more familiar it has become, like worn out old slippers that form to the feet but have holes that let in the cold. Acknowledge that these old patterns no longer serve you, and it’s okay to make space for new ones.

Step 5: Creating New Growth

Sometimes the new growth for our lives is beneath the surface. We seek to feel rooted down and grounded. This may mean cutting back on obligations, saying no, setting new boundaries to allow you to focus on what really matters in the here and now. Steady yourself with a clear intention and helpful thoughts. For example, if you want to feel satisfied and content in your life as it is, you might focus on the thought “I have enough. I do enough. I am enough.” And allow your actions to be consistent with this message.

Sometimes the new growth means expanding our lives and reaching out. We seek to stretch and create new opportunities for ourselves. This may mean pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, trying new things, saying yes so that you can discover new aspects of yourself. Focus your energy on thoughts that help you feel energized and motivated, such as, “I’m capable and ready.” Borrow inspiration from others and create something authentic that suits you.

Set goals for yourself that are realistic, measurable, and above all important to you. Make certain to get support from others who care about your wellness and will encourage your personal journey. Celebrate your progress and troubleshoot when you struggle. And be kind to yourself as you work through the natural ups and downs of making personal change.

This spring give yourself the gift of a new beginning from the inside out. We are never finished growing and changing. Root yourself with intention and give yourself a healthy direction to grow. We all need pruning now and then to really flourish.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

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Are you among the majority of Americans feeling more stressed than ever?  Chronic stress has been a public health crisis for many years in the United States and the recent American Psychological Association’s annual survey reveals that it is only getting worse.  In fact, most Americans (63%) report moderate to severe stress levels in the past year.

The top stressors people identified were:

• Money – 75%
• Work – 70%
• Economy – 67%
• Relationships – 58%
• Family responsibilities – 57%
• Family health – 53%
• Personal health – 53%
• Job stability – 49%
• Housing – 49%
• Personal safety – 32%

Stress levels tend to be even higher among women, ethnic minorities and people with lower incomes.  Each day the news presents even more reasons to stress with reports of terrorism and mass shootings.

And stress is taking its toll on children too.  Almost one third of children report physical symptoms in the past month which are commonly linked to chronic stress, such as headache, stomach ache, and difficulty sleeping.  Parents typically underestimate how much their stress affects their kids.  Children are often all too aware of instability in the home, at school, among their friends, and as a nation.

We know that stress has a significant impact on our emotional and physical well-being.  Symptoms of chronic stress include fatigue, hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, poor eating habits, difficulty sleeping, and bodily pain.

So how do we create space for a sense of calm in the midst of all this stress?  It is possible.

1. Identify your primary sources of stress. Stress is broadly defined as anything that requires us to adjust or adapt.  So stressors may be positive, like starting a new job, or negative, like a death in the family.  Recognizing your major stressors will help you develop a plan to manage them more effectively.  Write down a list of your major stressors in the past six that have caused you to make the greatest adjustments.
2. Categorize your stress into the things you have control over and the things you have no control over. Oftentimes, we spend a great deal of mental energy worrying about issues we have little or no impact on, such as national tragedies, other people’s feelings, or fantasies about the future.  Recognizing this important difference will allow you to focus your energy on the areas where you can have meaningful influence.
3. Practice acceptance and letting go of those stressors you cannot change. This can be one of the toughest things to do, and it takes regular practice.  You may find it helpful to limit your exposure to stressors that are beyond your control by taking a break from the news or social media.  Regularly remind yourself to let go of thoughts associated with stressors beyond your control and stay focused on the present moment.  Focusing on the present allows us to release unhelpful worries and discover our roots.
4. Develop a series of steps to manage the stressors that are within in your control. It can be helpful to identify action steps that are realistic, meaningful, and measurable so that we can see movement toward change.  For example, if you are stressed about your health, list the action steps that would begin to make a healthy difference such as medical appointments and lifestyle changes.  Focus on taking small steps in the present moment rather than getting overwhelmed with enormous change over time.  And reward yourself for progress.
5. Practice stress management strategies that work for you. Stress is a natural, necessary, and sometimes helpful part of life.  The goal is not to erase all stress but to cope with it.  Try exercising, listening to music, developing a hobby, spending time with friends, meditating.  Keep trying different strategies at different times to figure out what works for you.  It is not selfish to spend time on meaningful self-care.  Stress management needs to remain a priority.
6. Get support.  Look to your friends and family to help share the load of stress.  It’s important to allow yourself to ask for help when you’re feeling over-burdened.  Give your loved ones the gift of needing them sometimes.  And look for professional help if you find that chronic stress is contributing to unhealthy habits, physical symptoms, and emotional distress.  Therapists skills in stress management can help you learn strategies to work through stress for a lifetime of benefit.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

The post Creating Space for Calm in a Stressed World appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.

Many people come to my office looking to “fix” themselves. They seek a change that will somehow bring them a sense of happiness or wholeness. They often have already worked hard to escape their anxiety or depression to beat their bodies into shape to transform their relationships or throw themselves into one project after another. Yet they inevitably find that all this effort has left them feeling disappointed and empty.

This is because the core belief beneath this frantic “fixing” effort is that deep down they are damaged or broken. Beneath what may look like healthy activities from the outside are inner thoughts full of criticism and shame. Outwardly, they seem to be focused on self-improvement as they hit the gym, renovate their homes, excel professionally or even go to therapy. But inwardly there are toxic messages about how futile these efforts are in the face of being fundamentally damaged.

This feeling of being broken may rise during times of severe stress, emotional struggle, or loss. But often it has been planted there much earlier in our development. The message may have originated from our family members, classmates, or an unhealthy relationship. And we heard enough truth in this message that we internalized it. We believe ourselves to be broken in some basic way so that each time we struggle it seems to confirm our greatest fears. We are broken and must be fixed.

This is not true.

This is faulty thinking that is both harmful and limiting. When we view ourselves as broken, we make the irrational assumption that the world is split into some people who are healthy and whole and other people who are damaged and broken. And we place ourselves into that broken group.

The truth is that everyone has areas of struggle. Life is fraught with stressful events both good and bad, many of them outside of our control. We have biological differences and unique family histories. We each have our own challenges to face and style of managing these.

When I see someone who is stuck in an endless cycle of self-improvement projects that always leave him/her disappointed, we begin by exploring whether this mission of “fixing” is based on the core belief that he/she is broken.  We challenge this very belief system. The only way out of this cycle of shame, self-destruction, and punishment is to develop self-compassion. Instead of spending energy on all these efforts to fix themselves, we focus on loving themselves. This is where the meaningful growth and healing can begin. Being gentle with ourselves makes room for lasting change.

Written by Suzanne Smith, Ph.D. for the Lakefront Psychology Blog. If you are interested in more original articles about mental health, postpartum issues, wellness, relationships, and parenting, please subscribe to the blog using the button below. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Dr. Smith, please contact Lakefront Psychology at 216-870-9816.

The post You Don’t Need to be Fixed Because You’re Not Broken appeared first on Lakefront Psychology.